Explain
The Wars of the Roses in terms of a Premier League rivalry
The Wars of the Roses was essentially a Premier League title race where both teams were managed by blokes named Richard who had entirely forgotten how a transfer window works.
The whole affair began because the House of Lancaster and the House of York were just two massive, over-funded clubs fighting over the same patch of turf. Lancaster was your classic old-school giant, struggling under an owner whose grip on reality was as flimsy as a centre-back’s hamstrings on a rainy Tuesday in Stoke. York, meanwhile, was the flashy local rival that had spent three decades in the Championship of obscurity, waiting for a chance to scream at the referee and storm the pitch. They didn't have VAR to check if the crown was offside, so they simply hacked each other's ankles for thirty years until everyone was far too exhausted to keep playing.
Managing the league table was a nightmare because the manager changed more often than the flavour of the month at a boutique gin bar in Shoreditch. One minute Henry VI was leading the line with the charisma of a damp digestive biscuit, and the next, Edward IV had subbed himself on, brought the whole squad to the pub, and declared the season over. It was a tactical disaster where the only defensive strategy was to send your brother to the Tower of London before he could leak the team sheet to the press. Eventually, the whole rivalry collapsed because both squads were decimated by suspensions and the fans collectively decided that watching the Tudors lift the trophy was slightly less painful than another decade of this.
Where the analogy breaks downIn the Premier League, you lose points for bad play, whereas in the Wars of the Roses, you generally lost your head.