Explain
Think tanks in terms of A true crime podcast
A think tank is just a true crime podcast where the missing person is a coherent policy and the host has a podcast sponsor instead of a conscience.
You start with the hook, which is a glossy report titled something dramatic like The Future of British Industry: A Cold Case. Your host, usually a middle-aged man in a gilet who once sat next to a junior minister at a Waitrose cafe, spends forty minutes teasing the evidence. He meticulously examines the scene, questioning why productivity remains shackled in the basement and why public transport is still, effectively, a body stuffed inside a suitcase in the boot of a Ford Fiesta. It is all about the narrative arc of the investigation, rather than actually finding the body.
The middle segment is always sponsored by a company that definitely has an ulterior motive, like an offshore firm that manufactures industrial-grade staplers or a group of lobbyists who just happen to think we should privatise the moon. The expert guests are brought on to offer conflicting, unreliable testimonies, much like the neighbour who swears they saw the suspect leaving the scene with a briefcase full of tax loopholes. By the time you reach the final episode, you realise there is no resolution, just a cliffhanger that leads directly into a request for a donation to the Patreon of democratic collapse.
Where the analogy breaks downA true crime podcast eventually admits that the mystery might never be solved, whereas a think tank will happily charge you for a concluding report that claims the mystery was solved by their new 12 per cent flat tax proposal.